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Excerpt from The Parent’s
Little Book of Lists: Do’s and Don’ts of Effective Parenting,
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., © 1997, Health Communications, Inc., Deerfield
Beach, FL.
9 Benefits of Asking Questions instead of Giving Answers
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
Questions help children explore dimensions of a problem.
Questions help children explore their available options.
Questions help children identify their goals and intentions.
Questions draw solutions from the child.
Questions communicate your trust in the child’s ability to solve
a problem.
Questions place the responsibility for finding a solution on the child.
Questions allow you to help the child anticipate probable outcomes of
various choices, helping her evaluate the choices she has.
Questions build confidence and independence in problem solving.
The process of asking instead of telling puts you in the role of facilitator
or guide, rather than rescuer. It helps build skills and confidence kids
can rely on when an adult isn’t around to tell them what to do.
Imagine the learning your child can experience when you ask questions
like, “How would you like your friend to treat you?” “What
have you already tried?” “What else can you do?” “What
might happen if you do that?” “How will you feel if that happens?”
or “What else can you do?” Compare this process to what she
learns when you simply say, “Well, just ignore her,” or “Go
play with somebody else.” Even though a solution might be quite
evident to you, there is great value in your child exploring the problem
and possible solutions with you as her guide!
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This page is also available in French.
More information about
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Buy this book!
Alternatives to Advice
Giving: Ask—Don’t Tell
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© 2008, Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., Instructional Support Services, Inc.
Last updated on
October 16, 2006 11:48 AM
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