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12 Ways to Be an Effective Mentor

by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.

This list was originally developed to help parents mentor their children. The tips listed below are equally relevant to mentor relationships with students, employees and other adults.

Gold Square Accept your children unconditionally, just the way they are. Begin with them wherever they are in their development. Remind yourself that they’re “right on schedule!”

Gold Square Appreciate their uniqueness. Give them space to go in different directions than you had imagined or desired for them.

Gold Square Validate their reality or experience, even if it’s different from yours.

Gold Square Enlarge their concept of the world and their understanding of how it works.

Gold Square Believe in them. Encourage them with love and faith (instead of threats, demands or derision) to help them achieve, confront their fears and go beyond their perceived capabilities.

Gold Square Support their need for emotional safety, some of which will come from the love and acceptance you offer, and some of which from the structure and limits you provide.

Gold Square Challenge their beliefs to expand their perception of possibilities for themselves.

Gold Square Help them through a hard time by being there, by listening and by having faith in their ability to persevere and overcome adversity.

Gold Square Provide an outlet for their feelings without judging, advising or compromising their sense of safety.

Gold Square Help them discover hidden facets of themselves. Widen the frame of their self-perception by seeing them beyond who they are now.

Gold Square Inspire an appreciation for new things. Light a fire with your own passion and appreciation for something that you enjoy or value.

Gold Square Demonstrate the kinds of behaviors and values you would like them to learn. Model virtues such as self-discipline, fairness, honesty, integrity and responsibility in your interactions with them and others.

Excerpt from The Parent’s Little Book of Lists: Do’s and Don’ts of Effective Parenting, by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., © 1997, Health Communications, Inc., Deerfield Beach, FL.

Buy The Parent’s Little Book of Lists

Buy Mentors, Masters and Mrs. MacGregor: Stories of Teachers Making a Difference

“Secrets of Successful Mentorship,” article by Jane Bluestein

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