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9 Ways to be More Proactive

by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.

Write down your parenting goals. Be specific about behaviors, principles and long-term outcomes that are important to you. It’s easier to anticipate, plan and prevent problems when you know what you’re trying to achieve!

Involve your children in discussions of your family’s goals, values and priorities.

Review your parenting goals from time to time. Keep your long-range goals in mind, especially when dealing with day-to-day issues and events.

Think prevention! Focus on encouraging positive behavior, rather than looking for ways to punish or react to misbehavior.

Anticipate what you’ll want in various situations. Anticipate what your kids will want in those situations. Look for ways to accommodate both sets of needs.

Communicate the kind of behavior you’re looking for. Ask for what you want. Be specific and clear.

Respond to misbehavior less reactively. Use conflicts as opportunities to learn new approaches or ways to prevent further conflict.

Look for solutions, not blame.

Remember that all behaviors happen in the context of your relationship. Keep the emphasis on the relationship—hopefully, it will be there long after a particular behavior is no longer an issue.

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This page is also available in French.

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