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9 Ways to be More Proactive
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
Write down your parenting goals. Be specific about behaviors, principles
and long-term outcomes that are important to you. It’s easier to
anticipate, plan and prevent problems when you know what you’re
trying to achieve!
Involve your children in discussions of your family’s goals, values
and priorities.
Review your parenting goals from time to time. Keep your long-range goals
in mind, especially when dealing with day-to-day issues and events.
Think prevention! Focus on encouraging positive behavior, rather than
looking for ways to punish or react to misbehavior.
Anticipate what you’ll want in various situations. Anticipate what
your kids will want in those situations. Look for ways to accommodate
both sets of needs.
Communicate the kind of behavior you’re looking for. Ask for what
you want. Be specific and clear.
Respond to misbehavior less reactively. Use conflicts as opportunities
to learn new approaches or ways to prevent further conflict.
Look for solutions, not blame.
Remember that all behaviors happen in the context of your relationship.
Keep the emphasis on the relationship—hopefully, it will be there
long after a particular behavior is no longer an issue.
Excerpt from The Parent’s Little Book of Lists: Do’s and Don’ts of Effective Parenting, by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., © 1997, Health Communications, Inc., Deerfield Beach, FL.
This page is also available in Spanish and French.
