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This list is excerpted from The Parent’s Little Book of Lists: Do’s and Don’ts of Effective Parenting, by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D. (Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc., 1997).

13 Ways to Model Respect with your Child

by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.

Listen. Make eye contact when your child is talking to you.

Knock before entering your child’s room, especially if the door is closed.

Use language, words and a tone of voice that would be acceptable to you if your child were speaking to you.

Value your child’s need for fun and the time he spends with his friends.

Give your childspace to have different opinions and preferences from you (or other members of the family).

Value your child’s need for privacy. Don’t open his mail or listen in on his phone conversations.

Ask your child before using or borrowing something of his.

If your child is struggling with something and is in no danger of getting hurt, hurting anyone or ruining something valuable, ask him if he wants help before you step in and do something for him.

Allow your child to respond to situations differently than you would, without criticizing, shaming or ridiculing him.

Stop tickling or teasing when your child asks you to—immediately, and without comment, ridicule or judgment.

Call your child what he wishes to be called. Resist calling him names or nicknames that embarrass him, or names he feels he has outgrown.

When someone asks your child a question, let your child answer for himself. Resist the temptation to speak for your child, especially when he is present.

Introduce your child when you encounter someone who hasn’t met him. When you meet a grown-up friend who has a child along, be sure to say hello to the child as well as the adult.

Questions:

In what ways do you demonstrate respect for your children’s interests and preferences?
In what ways do you respect their need for privacy and space?
If your children have not behaved very respectfully lately, what types of behaviors would you like to start seeing? Be specific.
Identify two things you plan to do in the next 24 hours to demonstrate that you respect your children, no matter what else happens?

Questions:

In what ways do you demonstrate respect for your children’s interests and preferences?
In what ways do you respect their need for privacy and space?
If your children have not behaved very respectfully lately, what types of behaviors would you like to start seeing? Be specific.
Identify two things you plan to do in the next 24 hours to demonstrate that you respect your children, no matter what else happens?

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This page is also available in French.

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