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Excerpted from The Parent's Little Book of Lists: Do’s and Don’ts of Effective Parenting, by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D. (Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc., 1997).
6 Ways to Take More Time for Yourself
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
When your children are young, start building their independence so they
learn to to give you some space. Start by spending one minute in a separate
room or part of the house—or less if you have to. Add a little more
time each day until you work up to what feels like a reasonable break.
Let your kids know when you need a few minutes to yourself. Validate their
need for your attention and tell them specifically when you’ll be
available: “I really want to hear about this. I’ll be able
to listen a whole lot better in ten minutes (or when the timer goes off
or when this show is over or when the big hand is on the six).”
If your kids are around while you’re taking time to yourself, tell
them what they’re allowed to do and where they’re allowed
to be while you’re in the next room (or your bedroom or the tub,
for example). If necessary, make arrangements with an older child in the
neighborhood to come over to watch your kids for a few minutes.
Start a baby-sitting coop with another parent (or two or three other parents)
in your community. Plan to take their kids for a couple hours a week to
give them some free time in exchange for your kids staying with them to
get a few hours to yourself.
Hire a sitter. If money is a problem, volunteer a small portion of the
time you take for yourself to run an errand for the person watching your
children.
If you’ve got a parenting partner, request a commitment from him
or her to spend time with the kids without you being there, preferably
on a regular basis (like every Tuesday from 7:00 until 10:00).
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to taking time for yourself is guilt! Leaving your children in competent hands so that you can get away gives you a chance to “replenish the well.” Take care of yourself.
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© 2007, Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., I.S.S. Publications. Last updated on October 16, 2006 1:43 PM .
