Rules of Unhealthy
Adult-Child Group Systems
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
Adults are the masters
of the dependent child.
Adults determine in a godlike fashion what is right and wrong.
The child is held responsible for the anger of adults.
[Adults] must always be shielded.
The child's life-affirming feelings pose a threat to the autocratic
[adult].
The child’s will must be “broken” as soon as possible.
All this must happen at a very early age so the child “won't notice”
and will not be able to expose the adults.
This information is known as the “poisonous pedagogy” and was taken from For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller, page 59.
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Beliefs of Unhealthy
Adult-Child Group Systems
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
A feeling of duty produces love.
Hatred can be done away with by forbidding it.
[Adults] deserve respect because they are [adults].
Children are undeserving of respect simply because they are children.
Obedience makes a child strong.
A high degree of self-esteem is harmful.
A low degree of self-esteem makes a person altruistic.
Tenderness (doting) is harmful.
Responding to a child’s needs is wrong.
Severity and coldness toward a child gives him a good preparation
for life.
A pretence of gratitude is better than honest ingratitude.
The way you behave is more important than the way you really are.
Neither [adults] nor God would survive being offended.
The body is something dirty and disgusting.
Strong feelings are harmful.
[Adults] are creatures free of drives and guilt.
[Adults] are always right. (p. 60).
This list of beliefs was also taken from For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller, page 60.
Comments on Miller’s work by John Bradshaw, from Bradshaw On: The Family: “The ‘poisonous pedagogy’ concept exalts obedience as its highest value. Following...are orderliness, cleanliness, and the control of emotions and desires. Children are considered ‘good’ when they think and behave the way they are taught to think and behave... when they are meek, agreeable, considerate, and unselfish.... Probably no modern [adults] embody all of the above. In fact, some have accepted and imposed the opposite extreme of these beliefs with results just as abusive.”
According to much of the literature, many families function according to many of these rules, which ultimately hurt children. Children come to school with a host of adaptive behaviors they have developed in order to survive in painful families–behaviors often inconsistent with learning and social goals.
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© 2008, Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., Instructional Support Services, Inc.
Last updated on
October 16, 2006 5:04 PM
