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Excerpted from The Parent’s Little
Book of Lists: Do’s & Don’ts of Effective Parenting,
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D. © 1997, Health Communications, Inc, Deerfield
Beach, FL.
11 Reasons to Use Boundaries
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
Boundaries allow you to
express your limits and to communicate the conditions or availability
of certain privileges that your students desire.
Boundaries prevent conflict
and build win-win power structures. They help you take care of yourself
while attempting to accommodate your students’ needs or desires.
Boundaries build a reward-oriented
classroom (or school) environment. They emphasize positive consequences
desirable outcomes available with cooperation.
Boundaries create less stress
and fewer power struggles than rules and demands (which are typically
win-lose and often focus on punishments or negative outcomes for noncompliance).
Boundaries build mutual
consideration and respect.
Boundaries do not rely on
the child’s fear of the teacher’s emotional reaction (such as
anger or disapproval) to help the teacher get what he or she wants.
Boundaries allow positive
and negative consequences to occur in a nonpunitive environment (negative
consequences simply being the absence of positive consequences). As long
as teachers only allow positive consequences to occur when students have
done their part, boundaries hold students accountable for their own behavior.
Boundaries with good teacher
follow through can minimize students’ acting-out behaviors such as
whining, begging, temper tantrums, rebelliousness, refusal to comply,
talking back or relying on excuses to get they want.
Boundaries leave the door
open for students to change their behavior in order to get their needs
met. While rules or threats emphasize the penalties for misbehavior, boundaries
focus on the ability to make more constructive choices.
Boundaries do not threaten
emotional safety in relationships
Boundary-setting is especially
effective in an atmosphere of love, acceptance and respect, although the
process can help create these qualities in an otherwise stressful relationship.
5 Characteristics of a Good
Boundary
9 Things to Remember when Using
Boundaries
6 Reasons to Not Ask for Excuses
This page is also available for parents in English, Spanish and French.
More information about this book.
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© 2008, Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., Instructional Support Services, Inc.
Last updated on
October 16, 2006 5:14 PM
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