6 Reasons to Not Ask “Why”*

It focuses on excuses rather than commitment.

It assumes the student knows why he did it (or forgot) and can adequately explain his reasons to you.

It suggests that your boundaries and limits are flexible if your students have a good enough excuse: “If you’re creative (or pathetic) enough, you’re off the hook.”

It puts you in the position of having to judge the “validity” of your student’s excuses and arbitrarily decide whether or not to hold her accountable.

If you’ve got a good boundary with a positive outcome, if your students are developmentally able to do what you’ve asked and if they have had enough time, training or reminders (ahead of time) to succeed, why doesn’t matter–the positive outcome is simply not available until the students change their behavior or fulfill their commitments.

It may give you ammunition to attack or shame the student (“You should have thought of that before,” “You should have known better,” “How could you have been so stupid?”) instead of using the occasion as an opportunity for the child to make more responsible choices and correct his or her behavior.