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Excerpted and adapted from 21st Century
Discipline , by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D. © 1999, McGraw-Hill
Children’s Publishing, Grand Rapids, MI, and Parents,
Teens & Boundaries, by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., © 2001,
Health Communications, Inc, Deerfield Beach, FL.
Beliefs that Help Create a
Safe Emotional Environment
by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
It’s OK for children to have feelings without explaining or defending
them.
Feelings are not behaviors. Feelings are never right or wrong, but behaviors
that hurt other people are not OK. Adults do not need to protect other
people from a child’s feelings, but they may need to intervene
in hurtful behaviors.
It’s OK to express feelings as long as doing so does not hurt anyone
or create problems for others.
Most children (and many adults) do not have healthy, non-hurtful outlets
for expressing their feelings, especially anger or frustration. In a
non-conflict time, discuss and present options available to help kids
“externalize” their feelings without hurting themselves or
others. (Ex: Having a stuffed animal or picture they can talk to when
you’re not available. Being able to draw a picture or write a letter
about how they’re feelingand then tearing it up! Going for
a run, hitting a pillow, tearing up paper, or going down the hall for
a drink of water and a chance to catch their breath!)
Adults and children are distinct, separate individuals. It is not necessary
to own someone’s feelings or problems, feel their feelings for
them, or solve their problems to show that person love.
Adults are not responsible for changing or controlling the child’s
feelings. It’s more loving and supportive to communicate that a
child’s feelings are heard, respected, and taken seriouslyeven
when you don’t understand them.
Children learn to deal with feelings more effectively when they don’t
have to “stuff” or hide them to protect a critical, guilt-ridden,
or over-reacting adult.
Responses that interfere with children’s ability to own, feel,
or process their feelings can block communications, teach children to
mistrust their own feelings and perceptions, and interfere with the
development of their problem-solving capabilities.
Supporting Kids in Crisis: Non-supportive
patterns to avoid!
Alternatives to Non-Supportive
Responses
Survey: Is Your School (or Classroom)
an Emotionally Safe Place?
Industrial Age Classrooms vs. Information Age Classrooms
More information about Creating Emotionally Safe Schools.
What people are saying about Creating Emotionally Safe Schools.
More information about 21st Century Discipline.
More information about Parents, Teens & Boundaries.
Order form for these books.
Other handouts by Dr. Jane Bluestein
Articles and excerpts by Dr. Jane Bluestein
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© 2008, Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., Instructional Support Services, Inc.
Last updated on
October 16, 2006 5:36 PM
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