Stressful or Painful School Experiences that can Compromise Emotional Safety

Being placed in educational material above actual ability level
Unclear directions; directions not repeated or available if you didn’t get them the first time
Not being given enough help or assistance
Not having resources, structure or guidelines, people or information needed to complete an assignment (before having to respond or explain)
Not having enough time to complete work; unrealistic deadlines
Not having enough time to think about a question or process new information
Inability to speak the language
Teacher’s impatience, annoyance or disgust
Overhearing teachers or other significant adults discussing you negatively within earshot (either deliberately or accidentally)
Having a seemingly uncaring, uninvolved or weak principal
Rarely (or never) being given any choices or input in decisions that affect you
Not being taken seriously; being ignored or dismissed, laughed off
Rigid application of rules and negative consequences (punishments)
Spanking, paddling or whipping used as punishment
Rough physical contact used deliberately or reactively to control or punish (pinching, grabbing, pushing, hitting)
Witnessing classmates being shamed, spanked or punished
Being punished for moving, squirming, wanting to touch things, doodling, swinging your leg, or other forms of “hyperactivity.”
Routinely recognized or praised, threatened or punished with conditional approval from teacher or other adults
Favoritism of some students over others
Prejudice or discrimination (by adults or peers) based on race, ethnicity, religion or other cultural factors
Prejudice or discrimination by adults or peers, including judgments, ridicule, rejection, devaluing, shaming, insulting, demeaning, exclusion or other negative reactions, whether verbal or nonverbal, based on clothing (style, cost, value or where purchased), hairstyle, jewelry, or other factors related to appearance
Prejudice or discrimination (by adults or peers) based on abilities and interests, or on a lack of abilities or interest in a particular area
Prejudice or discrimination (by adults or peers) based on sexual orientation, whether expressed or inferred
Being left-handed and being pressured or required to use right-hand
Being punished long after an incident occurred
Being wrongly accused or wrongly punished
Inability to read or otherwise perform on grade level
Unpredictable or inconsistent teacher behavior
Teacher’s reliance on someone else (principal, counselor, parents, for example) to handle or punish discipline problems
“Gotcha” tests, pop quizzes, useless tests or evaluations used mainly to “catch” or punish you
Unrealistic rules and expectations
Demands that do not respect your developmental or ability level
Ineffective professionals trying to help; adults who don’t know how to help even if they want to (or who inadvertently make things worse)
Not being positively recognized or acknowledged for positive behavior, achievement, effort, cooperation, etc.
Little variety in day-to-day curriculum
Little variety in day-to-day schedule
Feeling little love in school in general
Teachers’ inability or unwillingness to help the slow learners or kids who need extra help
A lack of understanding or difficulty communicating thoughts and feelings that is frequently interpreted as laziness
Feelings of helplessness and lack of power to change an uncomfortable situation; inability to see a possible solution to a problem
Teachers’ hollering, explosive behavior
Not being allowed to express problems openly and verbally to a teacher
Not being allowed or able to express feelings without fear of negative reaction or consequence
Being called names that suggest stupidity or incompetence
Being told you’re not applying yourself
Being shamed or criticized for dropping something or knocking something over; being told you’re clumsy
Being shamed or criticized for not understanding something the first time it is explained
Feeling afraid to share, speak up or say anything in class
Feeling sad and lonely and not being able to share these feelings with anyone
Feeling that no one really cares about you
Being picked last for a game in recess or gym class
Being bullied, harassed or intimidated by other students
Going to a new school, having to make new friends
Not being supported or protected by teachers or other adults who witness other children hurting you (verbally or physically)
Being punished, shamed or excluded from an activity because you did not respond quickly enough
Speaking, reading or presenting in front of the class
Being in the lowest reading group; knowing that your classmates think you are slow (not as smart as they are)
Anticipating an activity or class you know you’re not good in
Having your grades read in class (low or high)
Having to wait to go to the bathroom until the scheduled time; being denied access to the bathroom when needed
Having to sit so long at your desk without a break that your mind and body become numb or restless
Being shamed, ridiculed, humiliated or set up to fail in front of your peers
Being sensitive to or intolerant of the noise, visual stimulation or movement in the classroom
Not having any privacy
Not being able to rest when you feel you need to
Poor match of learning style to teaching style; learning styles and preferences not accommodated