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5 Caracteristicas de un Buen Límite*
por Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.
Note: This is a draft version of this page. The final version may include additional translations of other text that is currently still in English and corrections of errors in the translation or typing that are found by proofreader.
Ser Claro
Boundaries are clear, specific and clearly communicated. They work best when you have your children’s attention, when they understand what you’re requesting, when the positive outcome of their cooperation is clear and when specific requirements, conditions or time factors are spelled out. Por ejemplo, “Te leeré el próximo capitulo del libro cuando te pongas los pijamas, te laves los dientes ya que cuando la manecilla grande indique las 6.”
Boundaries respect and consider the needs of everyone involved. They attempt to create ways for both you and your children to get what you want. Por ejemplo, “Te llevaré a la tienda cuando termines tus quehaceres” or “I want to hear about your day. I’ll be free to give you my full attention in 15 minutes.”
Boundaries work to prevent problems and are typically expressed before a problem occurs or before it is allowed to continue (or get worse). Por ejemplo, “Puedes tocar mi stéreo cuando me demuestres que puedes manejar correctamente (or replace the CD you damaged).” “When we go to the store, you can select one kind of dessert (or cereal).”
The most effective boundaries typically focus on the positive outcomes of cooperation. They are also expressed positively, as promises rather than threats or simply as information (with the implication that the positive outcome is available, for example, until a certain time or under certain conditions). Por ejemplo, “Si colocas la ropa sucia para las 9:00 el sábado en donde corresponde, te lavaré la ropa” or “The kitchen closes at 8:00.”
Si dice que va a hacer algo, hágalo. Si no lo hace su palabra no va a contar y sus hijos aprenderán a no escucharlo. Follow through—allowing a positive consequence to occur only when the child does what you’ve asked—is what communicates that you mean what you say and you say what you mean. It increases the likelihood that your children will take you seriously when you ask for what you want, and it improves the chances that they will cooperate as well (if it’s really the only way they can get what they want).**
*Note: Boundaries are tools for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others know what you want and for letting them know which options are available to them (for getting what they want). Set boundaries when you want behaviors to change and wish to avoid negative, stressful behaviors such as nagging, yelling, threatening or punishing to get what you want. Whether you use boundaries in relationships with children or other adults, the characteristics of boundaries and dynamics of boundary setting are the same.
**Note: Boundaries allow you to follow through without even getting angry! Follow-through works wonders, but it requires patience, faith, consistency and courage!
Excerpted and adapted from The Parent’s Little Book of Lists: Do’s & Don’ts of Effective Parenting by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., © 1997, Health Communications, Inc., Deerfield Beach, FL. Translated by Graciela Cueva and Monet Millard Templeton, Encinitas Union School District, Encinitas, CA. Additional translation by E. Ann Worthington, Executive Director, New Hope Charitable Foundation.
Esta página es disponible en ingles, también.
9 Aspectos para Recordar Durante el Establecimiento de los Límites
En ingles: 6 Reasons to Not Ask your Children for Excuses
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