11 Reasons to Use Boundaries with Your Children

Boundaries allow you to express your limits and to communicate the conditions or availability of certain privileges that your children desire.

Boundaries prevent conflict and build win-win power structures. They help you take care of yourself while attempting to accommodate your children’s needs or desires.

Boundaries build a reward-oriented home environment. They emphasize positive consequences— desirable outcomes available with cooperation.

Boundaries create less stress and fewer power struggles than rules and demands (which are typically win-lose and often focus on punishments or negative outcomes for noncompliance).

Boundaries build mutual consideration and respect.

Boundaries do not rely on the child’s fear of your emotional reaction (such as anger, disapproval or disappointment) to help you get what you want.

Boundaries allow positive and negative consequences to occur in a nonpunitive environment (negative consequences simply being the absence of positive consequences). As long as parents only allow positive consequences to occur when children have done their part, boundaries hold children accountable for their own behavior.

Boundaries with good adult follow through can minimize children’s behaviors such as whining, begging, temper tantrums, defiance, lying or making excuses to get they want.

Boundaries leave the door open for your children to change their behavior in order to get their needs met. While rules or threats emphasize the penalties for misbehavior, boundaries focus on the ability to make more constructive choices.

Boundaries do not threaten emotional safety in relationships, or in the home environment.

Boundary-setting is especially effective in an atmosphere of love, acceptance, respect and trust, although the process can help create these qualities in relationship or environments in which they do not initially exist.